Psychology of Actions: Recognizing your Identity Needs a Change
Noticing the struggle between System 1's surface level automatic responses and the deeper latent desires.
Introduction
“This is just not me.”
Chances are you have said this phrase to yourself at least once—maybe even out loud—reflecting or pondering over a specific incident or perhaps a broader situation in your life.
That moment when you took a drink you swore you’d never accept, all because of a sly remark that made you want to prove a point, or that time when you blurted out something unexpectedly rude to a friend—something you’d otherwise keep to yourself—just because a playful tease pushed your buttons. Or maybe you are not content with how your life is currently unfolding.
These moments of reflection point to hidden clues that your Identity—as it plays out in different contexts— might need a different or a better definition.
In previous articles, we’ve explored how identities form without you realizing it, how they’re activated depending on the contexts, and even what happens when different contexts collide.
Here are the links for those articles:
How an Introvert Adapts Identities to Handle Social Interactions (Guest post by Trinh Do)
How Identity Forms Without You Realizing It (Explains the Identity Formation and Reinforcement Loops)
Now, this article builds on the idea of Micro-Contexts that I introduced in the last two articles linked here:
All these articles build on the foundational articles on System 1 and System 2 Thinking:
In this article, we are taking a deeper dive. We will focus on when our Identity, stemming from our System 1 thinking, no longer serves us. Let's begin by understanding the moments that feel 'off.' Those are the moments where your Identity feels misaligned.
Understanding Identity Misalignment: The Internal Conflict
Our Identity is a mixture of personality traits, deeply held beliefs, attitudes, social relations, and the roles we play that define us. Some elements of this combination surface in specific contexts, and others, for instance, some of your beliefs, might persist irrespective of the contexts that you are in.
Contexts are the environments—like work, family, or social settings. Contexts provide the acceptable behavioral norms that guide the decision-making process internalized by System 1. But, a key feature of Contexts is that they comprise many Micro-Contexts.
Micro-contexts are the nuanced cues within the contexts—like how someone is talking with you, the tone of the conversation whether it's assertive or jovial, the body language of the person involved, etc—that further refine System 1 responses.
System 1 usually adjusts with ease to these finer details of Micro-Contexts. The trouble starts when the automatic response of System 1 in a Micro-Context is at odds with System 1 response in the overarching Context.
So where does this misalignment come from? It happens when your emotions, driven by System 1, try to run on autopilot in a Micro-Context, but the cues from that micro-context evoke deeper latent desires hidden within System 1 resulting in feelings and emotions that don’t quite fit the larger Context.
So, how does this conflict play out in real life? Let's explore it through a fictitious case study.
Case Study: Reaffirming a Fit Identity
"Going to the gym for 15 minutes might not improve your performance, but it reaffirms your identity. It's not always about what happens during the workout. It's about becoming the type of person who doesn't miss workouts."
~James Clear, Atomic Habits
Imagine a person, perhaps with a sedentary job with readily available unhealthy food. Let's call this fictitious person Rome. And let's say the colleagues of Rome form a social circle that doesn't exactly emphasize fitness. So, Rome's System 1 has formed automatic habits around inactivity, poor eating, and an overall self-image that probably doesn't include being fit.
Now, Rome's System 1 also has deeper latent desires. Some of these desires are having a fit body, eating good food, being healthy, and overall taking good care of his body. These desires don't often surface because Rome's System 1 is usually on autopilot with surface-level responses based on the overarching office context.
But sometimes, there are moments, Micro-Contexts within the overarching office context, that unsettle Rome, making him feel something is "off." Perhaps, he comes across a gym advertisement or an office conversation about a game the day before that was won by the athletic prowess of one of the players. These moments resonate with his latent desires.
This leads to a clash between the emotional response, driven by System 1, in Rome's overarching office context, and the emotions evoked by that momentary micro-context that resonated with Rome's latent desires. This occasional discrepancy triggers a feeling of discomfort. Eventually, these emotions start to build and the discrepancy grows. This leads to further discomfort or maybe even feelings of frustration and guilt forcing you to evaluate your identity.
You can extrapolate similar emotional clashes happening in your professional life, your occasional interactions with acquaintances, and in your friends or family circle.
So, what happens next? How could Rome respond? And, more importantly, how can you navigate these moments in your own life and recognize the need for a change in your Identity and redefine it? Let's understand it in the next section.
Recognizing the Need for an Identity Change
This is where your System 2 thinking will shine. The approach here would be in the form of a self-reflection exercise via questionnaires. There are 2 approaches. The first approach ties to the fictitious case study on fitness. This is called the Reactive approach to recognize the need for a change in your Identity. I call it reactive because the need for a change in Identity is driven by the emotional clash.
Recognizing Identity Change Need - Reactive Questionnaire
Recognize the emotional flares: Occasional flare-ups of the emotional clash between your System 1's surface-level responses and its deeper latent desires have already been going on. These flare-ups result in feelings of discomfort, frustration, self-doubt, or even guilt. The first step is to recognize these emotional red flags.
Awareness of the Triggers: As soon as you recognize the emotional flare-up, you try and identify the situations that led to the emotional clash. Awareness is key here.
Isolate the overarching Contexts and the specific Micro-Contexts: Once you identify the situation that led to the emotional flare-up, recognize the context and the micro-context in which it occurred. This will aid in understanding the specific deeper latent desires that triggered the emotional clash.
Identify the deeper desires: Once you identify the overarching context and the micro-context of the emotional flare-up, you can work towards identifying the specific deeper desires that trigger the clash. For instance, in the fictitious case study, this was Rome's deeper latent desire for a fit body, consciously choosing to eat good food and be healthy overall. You can extrapolate the same template to other contexts and micro-contexts.
Define the new Identity you want for yourself: In this step, based on your hidden deeper desires, you clearly state your existing Identity aspect and redefine that Identity aspect you want as a change.
From here on out, your new definition of the specific Identity in context should guide your beliefs, mindset, values, decisions, and actions in the relevant contexts and scenarios.
Do this exercise, as many times as you want to, for as many different contexts as you feel like.
Now what if Rome didn't wait around for the discomfort to pile on and force the change? What if he proactively redefined his fitness-related Identity in an office context by actively engaging his System 2 thinking?
And even more importantly, how you can engage your System 2 thinking to proactively recognize the need for a change in your Identity in contexts that would closely reflect your deeper desires and core values?
Recognizing Identity Change Need - Proactive Questionnaire
Proactive, as the word suggests, is you taking charge of your Identity. You don't wait for subtle emotional flare-ups to force you to recognize that certain aspects of your Identity must change. You proactively work towards recognizing the mismatch between your System 1's deeper desires & core values, and surface-level responses.
Here's the reflective exercise - proactive questionnaire:
Identify and list the contexts: In this first step, you identify all the contexts in which your Identity plays out in your life. Think broadly as well as specifically so that you cover all contexts.
Reflect on your deeper desires and core values: Ask yourself, what exactly is it that you want to accomplish, what matters to you, and what is it that you value. List them down. Be as exhaustive as possible.
State the Identity in contexts that you currently have: Put your Identities in different contexts in your life into words. Ask yourself, does it align with your deeper desires and core values?
Redefine your Identities in contexts: In case the current version of any specific existing Identity in context doesn't align with your underlying deeper desires and core values then redefine it so that it does.
The next step, which we will further explore in the next article, will be to strive to express your redefined Identity in various contexts in different relevant situations and scenarios. This redefined Identity in context should reflect in your context-related self-talk, context-related mindset & beliefs, context-related interactions, and context-related decision-making.
Concluding Thoughts
By reflecting on your experiences, paying close attention to emotional clashes, and using the reactive questionnaire, you can begin to recognize where your Identity in context needs a tune-up.
Or you can even use the proactive questionnaire to take charge and change your Identity in contexts whenever and where ever it doesn't align with your deeper desires and core values.
Recognizing the misalignments is the first step toward intentional change—a process we'll explore further in our next article on engaging System 2 to rewrite these automatic responses.
Take a moment, complete the questionnaire, and see if any patterns emerge. Remember: self-awareness is the foundation for growth. Your journey to an upgraded, more authentic identity starts with recognizing what isn’t working, and then deciding to change it.
That's all for this article. Subscribe now and join me on this fascinating journey of intentional change.
Stay genuine! Stay authentic!
Nik Pathran