Psychology of Actions: Identity In Context

How Social Situations and Context Shape Our Identities.

Oct 10, 2024

In the previous article, “Psychology of Actions: Understanding Identity,” I briefly touched on the role of Social Interactions and Identity. In this article, we’ll dive deeper into how social contexts—a work meeting, eating out in a restaurant with friends or family, or attending a parent-teacher meeting—help shape our identities. So, let’s begin.

“And… you are?” an investor asked me this in the most unlikely of all places—my friend’s wedding. Lo and behold, I fumbled with the response. Prior to that interaction, or if I'm being honest, that mild humiliation :), I was having a bit of banter with my college friends, as you usually do at these events. But frankly, the banter was more than just a bit. And, it took me a few moments to switch my identity to suit the new context involving the investor. Since I was working on my startup back then, it was crucial for me to act professionally, and not casually. Right? Isn't it weird about Identity? One moment you are fooling around with your friends and—bam—all of a sudden the context changes.

"Who are You?" is a bit of a loaded question. More likely than not, you have a few go-to answers: "I'm the life of a family get-together," "I'm the introvert in an office party," or even "I'm a total mess, and I've no clue how I make it work." Every single one of these identities could be right, in the right situations. So, let's be real. Our identity is not set in stone. It's more akin to a mood ring—constantly changing depending on where we are or who we are with. So, what gives? The truth— situational context shapes a rather large part of our identity. And more often than not, we are oblivious to it.

The Social Nature of Identity in Context

You are not the same person on a weekday in the Office as you are on a lazy Sunday afternoon with family and friends. And that's perfectly alright because that's just how we humans work. Sociologist George Herbert Mead may have said it best: Our Identity is a Social Construct, molded and remolded by our social interactions with others. At any given instance, what's happening around us, who we are talking to, and what kind of social role we are playing combine to create "who we are" in that moment.

The context dictates which version of ourselves shows up. At work, we would be serious and focused. With friends, we would be laid back and at ease. Context is the stage, and we are just switching identities like we switch clothes.

Contextual Identity Shifts

So, why exactly do we act one way in a family event and completely differently with our colleagues at work? The answer: social environment. We emphasize different parts of our identity based on the social environment we are in.

Let’s unpack this with an example. Imagine you are a CEO who is attending a college reunion. You wouldn't bring your "CEO energy" to that setting. Right? Instead, you would slip back into your old role of the "prankster" you used to be back in your college days. It's not like you're being fake. It's just that the college reunion context would bring out a different aspect of who you already are. So yeah, you do have more than one shade. Well, maybe not fifty shades, like Mr. Grey, but definitely more than one.

Social Roles: Playing Our Parts Based on Context

Let's talk about social roles. We all play them in our lives. Whether you are the gossip exchange hub of the office, that friend who never lets other friends down, or the son who always comes through, your roles are context-dependent. In his 1959 book, "The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life," Sociologist Erving Goffman famously likened life to a "Theatre Stage." There are "Frontstage" roles that you play when others are watching. This is where you have a presentable outlook. You are kind, respectful, and amicable in these roles as you have internalized the social norms and expectations. And, then, there are "Backstage" roles. These are the roles you play when no one is watching you. You are far more relaxed and comfortable letting your guard down. And you carry yourself differently too. So, both "Front Stage" and "Back Stage" roles come with different expectations.

How Roles and Context Interact in Shaping Identity

Imagine you're a project manager. You are famous at your workplace for keeping everything on track. The projects you manage are always delivered on time. Now let's add a twist to the mix. Your daughter is about to apply for college. To ensure she doesn't miss any application deadlines, you approach this as the "Project Manager You" would. You create a plan, set deadlines, and then, follow up with your daughter at various stages. This is how your "project manager" identity slips into your role as the mother.

But what could simultaneously be also true is that irrespective of the praise you get for being thoroughly organized at work, you're utterly disorganized at home. You leave your laundry for days and often binge-watch Netflix. This doesn't mean you're generally disorganized because the evidence at your workplace clearly contradicts that. It just means you assume a different identity based on the context. The identity which makes you that perfect employee, might not neatly transfer to your home life as the father. And that's okay. We adapt.

Feedback Loops: How Context Reinforces Who We Are

People around us give us signals—criticism, praise, or maybe even just some subtle cues—that reinforce aspects of our Identity. Psychology has a term for this, "Feedback Loops." Positive feedback reinforces positive traits, and negative feedback, as you can guess, does the opposite. This process is tied deeply to context.

Positive and Negative Feedback Loops Across Contexts and Their Effects

In my first job right after college, I hit the jackpot with my boss. He was as close to the textbook definition of a good boss as you can have. He believed in me, encouraged me to make decisions, and even let my occasional mess-ups slide as part of my learning process. I wasn't just growing in my role—I was thriving. His praise gave me the confidence to handle anything from an unexpected crisis at work to a "What are we having for dinner?" debate at home. My identity as competent, capable of handling unexpected issues, and good at problem-solving executive started shining brightly. The praise I received from my manager bled into how I navigated my roles as the son, the brother, and the friend.

After about 18 months or so, I got moved to a new department within the same company. I had a new team and a new boss. Let's just say this new boss... he didn't exactly read the same "How to be a good boss" textbook. It was like I suddenly stepped into a completely different world. A world in which something as trivial as getting a new pen issued required express signed-off approval. This new boss didn't just micromanage, he micro-micromanaged. His feedback was always a special blend of "why couldn't you do it my way" mixed in with "I thought you knew better than this." Slowly but surely, my identity of a competent employee took a nosedive.

I started constantly second-guessing myself. And not just at work. Suddenly, I was overthinking things at home too. Who knew a bad boss could infiltrate every context of your life?

Reflected Appraisal: Seeing Ourselves Through Others’ Eyes

I used to attend networking events for entrepreneurs and investors when I was working on my startup. I always got this feeling that every entrepreneur there was just pretending they had their sh*t together. So did I. This was, what psychology folks call, "Reflected Appraisal" at work. I deliberately assumed the identity of an entrepreneur who has his sh*t together in the context of those networking events. This is what we do. We intentionally choose to act according to an identity that we feel is expected from us in a situation.

In front of the investors, I was a passionate entrepreneur trying to change the world. In an extended family event, I was just another cousin.

Identity Shifts Through Changing Contexts

As we age, we move through different contexts. And, our identity shifts accordingly.

At school and college, we have the identity of a student. Our role is to learn and absorb knowledge. But in a professional context, our identity shifts to that of a problem-solver, decision-maker, or team player. The context changes push our identity to evolve.

At times, navigating multiple contexts creates, what psychology calls, identity conflict. At college, you were the friend who cracked the best jokes. Now try doing that at work, you would be viewed as someone who doesn't take their job seriously. Balancing these different contextual identities can create tension. It's like wearing two different hats at once—sometimes it just doesn't fit.

Conclusion: Who Are We, Really?

Our identity isn't fixed. It's constantly adapting to the context we find ourselves in. And that's perfectly okay. We all wear different hats at different times. The best thing we can do is to embrace the fact that context shapes who we are. So, don't overthink it—it's just your identity adjusting to the moment.

That’s all for this week. If you like this article, please share it. And, if you have not subscribed yet, please do and join me on this fascinating journey of intentional change.

Stay genuine! Stay authentic!

Nik Pathran

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